LOTR: Watch It Or Else!

LOTR: WATCH IT OR ELSE! Let me give you one good reason why you must watch ‘Lord of the Rings’ while you may want to continue living. Even if you’re on top of Violet Hill or Silent Hill or whatsoever it may be, just waiting to jump and end life as you know it, watch it. It will change your life, it will deliver a newer perspective of living, and it will keep you going even if you are inside Pandora’s box. The following story is about Devank, a boy who refused to watch it and met with Armageddon Itself. Let me tell you my friends: while you wait around for Antichrist and a Friday that boasts of a ’13’ as its date, the people who do NOT watch LOTR will bring upon themselves God’s wrath. For if you are inhabiting a world that believes in an Almighty Who will protect us all, the only act that has a greater chance of invoking divine retribution is not watching ‘Lord of the Rings’. If you sit down for a moment and relax, and develop the ability to think objectively and with sufficient reasoning, I am just asking you to spend 10 hours of your life watching a world brought magically to life with an immeasurably large amount of talent and money. And don’t you think it has shown? 18 Academy Awards, including ‘Best Picture’. Can you tell me of one other trilogy that has spun tales beginning with peace, leading you onto greater and greater tragedy, intertwined with bravery and cowardice, loyalty and betrayal, birth and rebirth, and most of all, love lost and found? You can’t! The one reason above all that I am willing to state unto any non-fan of the movie is that, “You must watch the movie because it is there for you to! You must watch it because it exists!”. I will not say this of anything else (read: ANYTHING ELSE!).

Now, coming back to Devank. Yes, he IS alive. But barely so. He has been damaged and dented, emotionally, anatomically, visibly astronomically so. Me, Nair, Bala and Devank (a.k.a. G**W***) were in Nair’s room yesterday night, talking of nothing more than room fresheners and, of course, this ‘Lord of the Rings Symphony’ that was going to be performed in early 2009 at the Abu Dhabi National Theatre. For most of us here, that is something of a religious ritual in the giving. However, Devank begged to differ. Apart from denying that he had ever watched the movie, he also refused to promise that he might give thought to watching it in the future. While I began doing what I did best (blog it!), Bala and Nair were upon him. In a flash, astoundingly, Bala was pinned. But more was to come. While Nair left to take a leak, Bala had punched Devank on his nose more than once, banged his fingers on the bed, given him an almost-clot on his upper left palm, plucked off a knot of hair from his shins, made him cry like a baby, thrash like a snake, cascade bonelessly off the bed, and much, much more. Not only that, but this cycle went on for five glorious rounds, all five of which had Devank in some awkward position or the other. We even had him pleading for a disease he had never had! After this, I can only tell you a little more. He repeatedly boasted a face of defiance, after which now he is in a mental asylum.

Refusing to watch a movie, which is nothing more (or less, for that matter) a tool to pass time faster. Why would you not watch one? I will need a reason. If you won’t watch ‘Not Another Teen Movie’, I will understand perfectly for the gooey kissing scene right in the middle of the movie. If you don’t want to watch the ‘Harry Potter’ series, I will understand for the inherent kiddishness of it all. But ‘LOTR’?! You should either be Devank, retarded or dead to not watch it. So I’m telling you again. Watch it. I’m only making an offer you can’t refuse. Oh, and Devank, Happy Transgender Remembrance Day!