What's left of a feeling…

Have you ever been on a boat ride that’s taken you through different feelings across a few minutes? I just took one myself today. In Dubai, the two most happening areas, Deira and Bur Dubai, are separated by the creek, across which small boats ferry passengers for as little as 50 fils (6 rupees). Me and a couple of friends had gone there for some filming work, and by the time we took the boat ride, it was dusk.

The Abra, which is the whole creek and all the boats with it, separates the city into two regions. The Deira side is sprinkled with all these skyscrapers and headquarters of MNCs. The Bur Dubai side, on the other hand, has managed to retain what’s left of the old Dubai. If one were to stand on the Deira side and look towards the setting sun, a mosque on the Bur Dubai side surrenders a sharp silhouette to the scenery. If you’re lucky enough to have pigeons flapping in the sky just then, you could be looking at the horizon of Constantinople from the 17th century: it’s that beautiful.

Anyway, the boat ride lasts about 3 minutes. We were riding to Deira from Bur Dubai, and it was around 06.30 in the evening. The sun had set but the horizon had managed to retain a little orange, which when blended with the new inky blue looked magnificent. There was a large crowd mulling around us: today, Friday, is when most of the shopping is done. After that, they could all go back home, relax for a bit, and Saturday evenings would again have to be spent getting prepared for work on Sunday. The rush began to increase by the minute and the traffic on the roads almost doubled by the minute. A constant roar was setting in as the Abra ferries began to get busier. We managed to get into one boat and I snuggled myself between Benjy and a stranger on the right side of the boat, the one that would be facing the Bur Dubai shore line along with a temple and some trading shops there. The ferry started off, and I just sat there, gazing into the distance. This was my first time to the Abra, and although this water ride was commonplace to all those around me, I found it fascinating.

When we were at the middle of the creek, some lights that came on just then caught my eye. The back of those trading buildings were being lit by green, pink, blue and red lights. It was dark by now (the sun set is quick here in the Middle East, especially in late winter). The whole stretch of land in front of me was dark except for this psychedelic patch. It was so beautiful, I can’t tell you. It surely was a welcome change from the yellow of the sodium vapour lamps thats lit up the roads and highways, and more of a welcome change from the drab and blunt white of the tubelights inside the shops. Some new colours for a newcomer.

I wanted to look at those lights forever. I knew the feeling I held within me just then would not last long; it would in all probability fade as soon as we got to Deira City Centre, with all its perpendicular and unimaginative modernities. I wanted to hold on to that feeling. The stranger beside me was almost sleeping – his head was nodding unmindful of the rocking of the boat. He should have been a tired labourer enjoying his week end roaming around the city, and Benjy was silent, thinking of something to himself. I was undisturbed, and the lights were there, lighting up what would otherwise have been a pale yellow wall. There not just the shadows you get that are black, but also different colours born from them mixing with each other.

Just then, there was jerk. We had arrived at Deira, the unabashed concrete jungle. I don’t how many peoplehad seen those colours like I had, or even better, but I’m sure they would only have been a few. Most of them are busy with their own work anyway, and I don’t think many have the time to sit back and devote a few minutes of their lives to enjoying the hidden beauties in their lives. We all say we have no time when asked such questions, but I don’t time is the problem. If only for a moment we realise that we have let some routines dictated by our bosses at work dominate our lives, we will also realise that we need not surrender what’s left of those lives to money and materialism. True joy lies in being able to appreciate what nature has given us, not what we have made for ourselves.

If I were given one more chance to ride the ferriec across the Abra, I would. I’d like to see if I can get those feelings. Whatever’s left of that feeling, I’ve put it down here so I can come back some other time and reminisce.

Freesoul

You should know the world is a big bad and dirty little place to be, although people keep saying it’s the good earth – that’s only because they’ve got nowhere else to go. This world is full of people like you and me, and that’s important to know. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be home by the fireplace, a cup of hot chocolate in you hand, and watching ‘Lion King’ – some quality time with yourself. There’s somethings in life you’ll always feel good doing, and one of them’s being home and in the company of those you love. That’s what’s gonna make you feel comfortable and not have too many issues with the world. If you’re YOU all the time, then there’s nothing in this world to be worried about. It’s only when you start living the lives of others do you feel alone, but that’s some place wherein you don’t belong.

There are so many things in this world. Wow, so many things indeed! 7,000,000,000 personalities and 7,000,000,000 perceptions. Do you think each one of them sees the world a different way? I think so. There’s so much more to this world than the politics, the economics, the wars, the diplomacies, the logistics, the transportation, the sciences, the religions, the philosophies, so much more. First of all, there’s the beauty. Now, there’s two kinds of beauty. The one that we see straight away. This kind of beauty is everywhere, form the poems we write to the stories we read to the people we meet. The other beauty is not so naked. You see, there are only a few people who know where that beauty lies, and I count myself one of the blessed. That beauty lies hidden away in the folds of the seconds of time. You’ll have to stop whatever you’re doing, and wait for a moment for that rush to subside. And then, you’ll see the world as it is. You’ll see it’s very purpose unclothed, and you’ll feel so humble. It’s a mighty universe out there, and when it’s done so much with the suns and the stars, do you think it’s gonna leave the earth alone? Do you think it’s gonna leave you alone?

You’ll see the people around you a different way.

Some of these people are those who wanna stick to a routine. These are the ones afraid of boredom. When they have nothing to do, they don’t know what to do at all. It’s because these are the people who have spent most of their lives taking orders from others. These people are scared of facing the truth as you and I see it. They’re afraid of themselves.

And there are the people who fake their personalities. They do it not because they’re afraid of themselves. In fact, these some of the people who know who they really are, but are unhappy about it. They wanna change who they are, and they take up different personalities. But that’s where these people fail, and that’s where I pity them. One of them just picks up a personality he sees on the street and sheds his own. What he doesn’t realise is that he’s now leading the life of the other person: he’s giving that person a second chance to live his life. What I’m confused about is whether these fake people wanna live their lives even once at all.

And there are the I-am-who-I-am people. They’re really nice, but so rare, to come by. They know who they are, and they embrace the fact without any regrets. These are the people who will inherit the earth, not the meek, not the humble, not the anyone-else. These are the people who will want to and continue to belong. These are the people worth meeting people for. But since they’re so damn hard these days to come by, I’d rather sit home and watch ‘Lion King’.

You’ll see the nature around you a different way.

You think the tree in the distance sways because it’s windy? Why shouldn’t it be possible at all that it’s trying to say something to you, to me, or to some other tree? Just because you can’t reason it out scientifically doesn’t mean it can’t happen. When we say our knowledge of the universe is limited, we mustn’t just say it. We must believe in it and apply it. I believe that the tree is trying to say something to me. (Why ME is a long and different story!) And when I see a tree swaying, I think. And that’s who I am and I’m not afraid of it. George Bernard Shaw once said “you all see things as they are and ask why; I dream of things that are not and ask why not”. Isn’t that a nice way of putting it? Acceptance seems to be so hard in this world. But I’m not complaining: there’re enough quacks out there to ruin the whole thing, and I know people are just being careful. Like I said, I’m not complaining, I’m just worried and sympathising.

When you stop for a second like that and think of things as they are and not what you’ve made them to be, it’ll all dawn on you. What you need to do next, who you actually are, and what you’re purpose in life actually is. There’s little more to living than enjoying the beauty and being a part of it. What some of these people around me do is too surreal. But hey, what would you rather be, painfully aware or blissfully ignorant? 🙂

What it all calls for is a release from the body we occupy, for in all that we happens around us, the mind is at work and the body only makes the difference. If we shed our bodies, we’d all be peaceful and carefree souls floating through the timeless universe. There would be no keyboards, mouses, chairs tables, rooms, doors, windows, corridors, buildings, walls, fences, prisons, schools, roads, streets, cars, planes, hotels, brothels, guns, tanks, jets, bombs, bullets, wars, battles, bloodshed, boundaries, no reason to be unhappy. There would be little smiles floating in the air. So that’s what I thought. Just because I can’t shed my body doesn’t mean I can’t imagine it, does it? And so, I did it. I shed my body. I only think because I have to. That’s a wonderful way of living you know, without having to be worried about the next moment, only concerned about the present. In fact, think of this: the present really doesn’t exist. The history does because it’s the only innate knowledge we possess, and the future does because it’s the only unknown that we prophecise about. In the fleeting moment that the future consumes us, we fall into its trap and let it become history. What if the present had been forever? What if you could do anything you wanted to, without having to worry about the consequence? When there’s no history, there’s no consequence.

Have you seen the flaw yet? The only flaw is that we’ve all already been created. And since we’re created, it only means there is a history, and since we’ve all jumped in suddenly from nowhere into the universe, there will also be a future. But again, that is all there is to it. The solution to everything in this world is being happy with yourself. And to be happy with yourself, you need to see the beauty around you: that, as far as I can see, is the only redemption this earth has to offer. Think not of those around you, and for a small moment in there, think not of your closes ones. See where you really lie. Forget science, forget religion, forget God. Just you, alone in a wide universe, but not so alone when you think you’re one of a kind, because you are. There’s nothing that can stop you from being happy.

Tell me now, what can? 🙂

Natura

Being a Hindu, I will never know what true paganism means. We Hindus worship idols, which total up to 33 crores, and we have all sorts of rituals all through the year. We follow the lunar calendar like many other religions, and most of our prayers involve the invocation of nature’s blessings. However, this is strictly limited to Paganism as a religion, as a belief wherein we humans believe that nature and the forces She bears are the source of all life and the spirit that ceaselessly consumes them through their journey in time. For me, paganism also assumes a different form. Perhaps, in fact, it might not be paganism but a placebo influenced largely by my upbringing. Anyway, I have noticed that when I am in the worst of my moods, the clouding of the skies relieves everything. I feel as though a new beginning that was promised somehwere in my bleakly recollected history has come to life and also at the right time. Does nature really influence us so much, or is it just me? I need to know, because such a thinkg has not happened once or twice to me, but lots of times. I prefer to stay indoors in such weather, but while inside, I become hyperactive. It feels as though the cycle of day and night has been broken just to give mankind a glimpse of what else exists out there in the mighty universe and the forces it represents: I take this as a paganistic metaphor that God is watching over us, whomsoever He may be. However, when I am down and the sun is shining bright, it feels as though nothing has changed around me. It feels as if no one is bothered that I feel so. I mean, I know I am getting a tad too fundamental here, but I can’t help but notice the impact of natural phenomena on the human mind, and how it shatters all perception and establishes some of its own, whether right or wrong being out of question. In a few of my older posts, I have mentioned how I take to the rains: as if they were cleansing showers sent up from up above, to cleanse us all off our sins and to return us to the womb whence we came as who we really were, as who were born, as whom we should live as, and as whom we should leave our mark upon this good earth. I don’t really know if paganism is all this, less than this, or may be more, but I don’t have the time to look up on all of that. As long as it continues, as long as this seemingly inexplicable impact continues to have its ways whenever it finds the need to, I will rest assured that mankind is, indeed, in safe hands.

Rain Under My Umbrella

RAIN UNDER MY UMBRELLA: A TRIBUTE I have always enjoyed the rain. Mornings find a new invitation in them when I find that it is raining. The day seems to begin with a unique grandeur, and life seems to commence for the moment on a special note. The leaves have bathed, and the greenery seems refreshed. It strikes a brilliant contrast with the concrete jungle, a welcome change. The smell of mud is carried through the air. It is as if everything has been wrought anew for an occasion such as this. The lingering raindrops on the glass windows leave invisible stains on my memory, only to bring me to these minutes later in the day when the sun has dawned again from behind the clouds as a reprieve for the breeders of evil on this commoditized earth. I dwell in glory when it rains, and I find rain to be the ideal dawn of good, and the sunshine the evil dusk that brightens stone, wood and metal up: you will believe it is the truth for that is what you see as the cause and that is what you perceive as the effect. But what of the truth? But I believe you are to be forgiven, my poor dear friend, for it is only natural, and above all else, there is no time for such pursuits.

My sleep dissolves into awareness when I hear the rain splash into little drops of nothingness on my window. I wake up and draw the curtains open. The sight is glorious. The night sky has been brightened up by the scattered light from the clouds. It seems eerie, like something so unnatural. Science can only tell me what happens and why, but I for one know how it happens: the beauty of it all. You must be a soulless being to not look upon such a sight and not feel humbled. More than being humbled, I feel defeated. Humility does not demand a defeat in battle, but a defeat demands more than humility to be complete. And that is how I feel. If I, at that moment, were to be commanded by God to fly, I would not. I am but a human being, and I am but prone to err. I cannot fathom the universe, and I cannot fathom my mind either. I orient myself in space through physical manifestations of the requirements of the soul, and I would deign those below me as my inferiors. I would demand servitude in my folly. But I would also condemn myself unto eternity in this living, and when anyone else calls upon me to take flight, to soar above spirits that humble me, I am in contradiction with myself. Be it my fall, but a fall restricted to your perception. I am victor, for I have triumphed through the steadfast belief in my beliefs.

I have often wondered whether philosophy per se has an answer to my question. Just as nihilism confines evolution of the mind, I doubt it would. And my only questions are that in defining godliness, would I be permitted to redefine God? Who is God? Is any a God restricted to some confining parameters in order to be ordained so? If yes, then is not the godliness then lost? If no, is not the definition of godliness itself lost?

Anyway, in condemning myself, if condemnation it is, to the servitude to rain, I have equated the inability to spot a single raindrop among a million to the fear, and therefore the inhibition, to look upon one. At 2 AM last night, when I drew the curtains open, it was raining as though it were a prelude to the Great Flood. The glow from the skies was overwhelming, and the street lamps faded in brilliance, if that. I wondered if I would be allowed to look upon the individual molecules of this belief. I, a mere mortal, and The Rain, my God. But here is where the tale takes a turn. My ignorance, my temper, my pride, my ego, my humaneness took over. A belief is only as strong as the weakest believer! And I believe in You! Will you not let me take a glance?! As simple and as silly as it may seem, I did get a glance, but only through the eyes of another man who I thought was my servant in standing, tonight. In the near distance, a few blocks down the street, I saw the raindrops float towards the earth. I could not have seen them if not for the street lamp that illuminated my humility, my defeat, in its fullest.

One Day For Myself

I’ve always wondered as to the specialty of mankind in a philosophical way. There is this whole sea of us, but there seems to be nothing to set each one of us apart except our actions and our appearances. And appearances have already been discarded as a criterion in favor of deeds, but when behind every deed there seems to be a purpose and a solid reason as to why he or she did that and not something else, even they will tend to decline. So, I sat down and thought with a cup of tea in my hand (tea helps me think, you see!). What came first to my mind was the way each one of us responded to the events around us, how we said different things to different people even though they all seemed to be the same. How we smile at some and how we frown at others; how some get neither a smile nor a frown but just a plain and simple stare that speaks of a fading recollection that couldn’t span the gap between your history and your present with the clarity you’re looking for. So anyway, getting back to my wonderings and ponderings. And if you ask me what my ideal solution will be, I will turn to Mother Nature. I, for one, would like to have one full day just for myself. I will want the climate/weather to alter dynamically according to my moods. I will have the environments I feel like having around me at every moment.

The onset of winter in Dubai has been quick this year, with a visible change in the climatic patterns over a matter of a few days. Today morning, when I got out of bed and realised I had nothing to do for the day, I was plunged into a bit of gloom: I was far away from home, and the corridors outside my room were silent, making me feel as though I was alone in this world. Then, I opened the curtains. There was a fairly good cloud cover in the skies. The sun was blocked from view once every 5 or so minutes for a span of 5 or so minutes – there was something of a sinusoidal variation of brightness in the room. For 5 minutes, it would be pleasantly dark, and for the next 5, it would be cheerily bright. I got bored after some time of watching this, so I had a bath, put on some freshener in the room, and settled back into my bed to watch some movie.

Even as a person who has only a sliver of a belief in God and godliness (which is enough for a guy like me, actually!), in times of distress or an imbalance of emotions, I have always turned to the natural presence of life around me to inspire me to move on through life as it is to me. When I’m oh-so-terribly-bored, I just sit and watch what’s going on outside. I can’t say there’s a not-to-be-missed scenery set outside my window, but there is the sun, there are the clouds, there is the sleeping desert. In trying to fathom the monotonous existence of the desert life, for example, I realise how these creatures establish a life for themselves and even sans a conscious realisation of what their purpose could actually be, they invariably come to live that way. Mankind, with his mind that purportedly sets him apart, has today evolved into more of a mess than what it could have been. By trying to span the reason behind the existence of every other phenomena around him, he has left himself behind. And I do NOT think this was his purpose. You might ask me why I am bothered so much with the purpose. I will tell you: even if you don’t bother yourself, you will notice that every individual on this planet will live in a way that reflects a broader pattern. Every man born and every man dead will always tell the same story. No matter what he does, no matter how he responds to the infinitely different stimuli in his life, he will always recount the same morals, he will always recollect the same moments. Haven’t you ever wondered why that never changes?

And how is all this encompassed in the One Day for Myself? The ‘one day for myself’ will obviously reflect the indulgence I or you will wish to have. On the other hand, living in a day for yourself will also show you what your purpose could have been. In asking the natural phenomena to follow you, you should also expect Mother Nature herself to guide you through your ways via subtle indications. Paganism had a meaning in itself when its followers went behind animals and birds looking for favours, for that is how mankind would have survived and evolved if men had not inculcated that sense – that sense which told them that the mind set them apart from everyone else. You are born sans that sense, you die sans that sense. But what of your journeys in between?